The Negatives Of A Dream

Late at night
My mind and heart race
My body is exhausted
Can't keep the pace
The room darkens
My tears frequently fall
I desperately search...

One more pill should do it

The bruises ache on a battered heart
The first time I considered...
But I want to live.

I see his face
I have nothing to give.
Why hope? Why continue?

God, have You forgotten?
I know I've made mistakes,
Forgive me my mistakes...

If only I could go back
I could correct my problems
Fill what I lack

The cracks in the wall are cemented
Small rays of light disappear
Love, kindness, and hope are prevented

No. I still hope.

What must I do?
How am I supposed to cope?
I know this isn't the way
The cuts of dismay
The blood solves nothing
I continue to be empty
I am NOT empty.

Those slippers. Where'd they go?
I remember her face in the morning
I miss the love her eyes would show
I can't get married.

I want to give up.
But I can't.
Once I would have, once I came close.
What stopped me?
The finality of death.
Is finality a word?

Mom, you came to me. You wanted to talk.
I'm sorry.
You have every right to worry.

I want to tell them.
I want so badly to tell everyone everything.
Would we have stood a chance
If I had told you everything?
Can we go back?
Is there such a thing as a second chance?
One more try...
A new beginning
So all the words would not be lies
And my head could stop spinning.
I dream I could do things,
I see how I want them to turn out
Whatever happened to your Angel Without Wings?

She screwed up.

If someone else could do it, I wouldn't be afraid
If I were murdered, what more could be said?
I see how things could be
I want to tear out my eyes
Can someone shut off my mind?
End the trapped, swollen cries...

There would be nothing to say
If there were no me.
I know I can't do it to myself
Put me out of my misery!

I guess I'll suffer.

Drugs don't do shit.
Don't solve any problems
Can't shut down it,
Shut it down.

Confusion...
Yet, clarity...

I know what I should do
I know what I need
God, give me the strength to
And say it all
Give me the bravery to call him
And explain
I hope I'm not too much of a pain
Because I can't help but blame myself
I want to fix myself
And go into a state of stability
I want to move on
One step at a time
End the hurt, and move on
I'll need help.

The Negatives Of A Dream